Monday, February 9, 2009

My Unbelief

Sometimes things stay the same no matter how much I pray. Fears and frustrations remain no matter how much I try. In these days, I struggle with unbelief.

That's when my mind goes to the passage I read today in Mark 9 about the man's son who was suffering from an unclean spirit. It had been this way since his birth--even having the demon trying to kill the boy. Nothing has changed.

In the account, the dad says, "If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." (Mark 9:22 ESV) You can't help but notice his words..."us". This man was struggling.

Jesus challenges, "All things are possible for one who believes." Scripture records, "Immediately, the father of the child cried out, 'I believe; help me with my unbelief'". (9:23-24)

I know this 50-50 faith--halfway believing and halfway doubting. It's when things have been this way for so long that you doubt they're ever going to change.

Sometimes you resign yourself to the idea that "maybe this is God's will?" Or "maybe things aren't supposed to be better?" Or "maybe we're supposed to be like this...maybe we're supposed to struggle?" You begin wondering if you've done something to deserve this. You wonder if it's your fate or fault.

And then--like the story in Mark--Jesus walks into your life and calls you to trust Him despite how things look or feel.

I struggle with this. I find it hard to trust past my feelings. It's difficult to believe despite what I'm feeling. I know Jesus is able and willing--I just struggle at times. And so, like the dad, I cry out..."help me with my unbelief."